I saw a troop selling cookies in Flag with a sign that read “RESISTANCE IS FUTILE” and I almost crashed my car, I was laughing so hard.
SHIT I’M LATE FOR AMERICAN SCHOOL
i go to school in america and i can tell u that this is 120% accurate if we dont do this we get sent to freedom jail for not being free enough
In my school, we have to bring our pet eagles to school and whenever we don’t we get a 1 hour detention.
YOU AREN’T WEARING RED WHITE AND BLUE YOU’RE BREAKING DRESS CODE
WOW! You guys are allowed to talk in the international english, i feel so rebelious OH SHIT A TEACHER *cough* Obama gun fried chicken california cowboy kentucky george washington freedom tea boston flag
Want to collaborate on a Google Doc with Nietzsche, Shakespeare, Dostoyevsky, Dickinson, Dickens and Poe?
Click here. Start typing. Enjoy the hilarity.
Ninja Update: Wanna see something fun? Mention Shakespeare in a sentence and see what happens.
Poe kept writing distinctly into my sentences so I wrote ”Edgar, you’re not funny” aND HE BLATANTLY DELETED THE NOT I AM SO DONE WITH THIS ASDFKJL
OH GOD IF YOU TYPE “EDGAR ALLAN POE” POE ADDS A :( AFTER HIS NAME PRECIOUS BABY
Oh my God so I typed ‘Shakespeare’ and Shakespeare butted in and wrote ‘The lovely and handsome Shakespeare’ but Poe burst in saying ‘The dreadful and lonely Shakespeare’.
aND FYODOR DOSTOYVESKY ADDED ‘ I do not wish to make myself a laughing-stock before these idle listeners.”
Look what they did to All Star by Smash Mouth
“Somebody once hushedly told me the world is going to roll me. I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kind of glocky with her finger and her thumb in the shape of a “L” on her forehead. Well, the years start voraciously coming and they don’t stop coming; fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. It didn’t make sense absolutely to live for fun. Thy brain gets smart but your head gets dumb. So much to do, so much to behold. So what’s wrong with taking the back busy thoroughfares? In everything one thing is impossible: rationality. You’ll never know if thou don’t go. “You’ll never shine if you don’t glow”, he growled incoherently. Hey presently, you’re an All Star. Get your game on; go play. Hey now, you’re a Rock Star. Get the show on; get laid. As well as all that glitters is gold, only shooting stars break the mold. ~All Star by Smash Estuary of opinion…”
Imagine putting your research paper in here and letting them go at it.
OH MY GOD I WAS WRITING AND EDGAR WOULDN’T STOP FIXING THINGS SO I WROTE “Edgar shut up I’m trying to write” and he changed it to “Edgar shut up I’m meagerly attempting to write” THIS FUCKING ASSHOLE
I typed in “Hello” and Shakesphere erased it and wrote “Begone with this rubbish.”
I typed “party in the Usa” and Poe changed party to “ill-fated gathering”
I wrote Dickens so Emily Dickinson and Charles Dickens keep erasing it and writing their own names before Charles just wrote in Oliver Twist.
Let it go, the edited version:
"The snow glows white on the mountain when the day wearies of the light, not a footprint to be seen. "A kingdom of isolation, an it looks like I’m the queen" replied Oliver, "I want some more". The palpitating air is howling like the swirling storm inside. Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I meagerly attempted. Don’t let them in don’t let them behold. Be the marvelous girl you always have to be. Conceal don’t deeply feel, don’t let them know. Well now they, who didn’t smell the fire burning, know! Let it go, let it go! Nevermore! "Can’t hold it back anymore", he growled incoherently. Let it go, let it go, turn away and slam the portal of change! I don’t care, what they’re going to assuredly declare, let the storm rage on. The rimy never bothered me anyway. A good writer possesses not only his own spirit but also the spirit of his friends. "
You cannot buy electronics with food stamps. You cannot buy cigarettes with food stamps. You cannot buy pet food with food stamps. You cannot withdraw money with an EBT card (food stamps).
Do you know what else you can’t buy with food stamps? Shampoo, soap, laundry detergent, toilet paper, paper towels, tissues, tinfoil, plastic sandwich bags, toothpaste, cleaning products, tampons, pads, over the counter medications (such as Tylenol, Ibuprofen, etc.), and anything else you can think of that you cannot physically ingest for nutritional purposes.
Do you know what you can buy with food stamps? Food.
Do you know what it’s like to scrounge for change to buy non-edible necessities, use a credit card and EBT card (food stamps) during the same transaction, and then have the person in line behind you judge you for buying the ingredients to make a birthday cake?
People who disseminate false information about food stamps have never had to use food stamps.
"There is only one god and his name is Death. And there is only one thing we say to Death: ‘Not today’."
with Ed. M, Ph.D Jackson Katz
Same for mass shootings which are almost entirely done by white males.
If it was done by, literally, ANYONE ELSE of any other race or gender, I can’t even IMAGINE the shit that would be said by people.
I read somewhere, someone had this theory that the reason shootings are mainly committed by white males is because when women or poc feel alienated, depressed, etc, we are trained to keep it to ourselves, whereas white men are raised with a sense of entitlement that allows them to make their own problems everyone’s problem.
I wonder if it is true for shooting or for road rage or both or neither.
This is a really good documentary.
8. the magic begins a scene you really wanted to be in the movies but wasn’t → career advice"Well, then, I am confused…I’m afraid I don’t quite understand how you can give Mr. Potter false hope that —"
"False hope?" repeated Professor McGonagall, still refusing to look round at Professor Umbridge. “He has achieved high marks in all his Defense Against the Dark Arts tests —"
"I am terribly sorry to have to contradict you, Minerva, but as you will see from my note, Harry has been achieving very poor results in his classes with me —"
"I should have made my meaning plainer," said Professor McGonagall, turning at last to look Umbridge directly in the eyes. “He has achieved high marks in all Defense Against the Dark Arts tests set by a competent teacher."
MINERVA YOU FUCKING QUEEN
EVERYONE BOW DOWN